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Shyness


Francis asks: "Is there a personality cluster for shyness?"

Yes--but it's an ungainly one because many factors can influence someone being shy. You can have two shy persons who may have unrelated congnitions influencing their feelings and behavior. In the coming cluster just work on those beliefs that may fit your style of shyness.

SHYNESS PERSONALITY CLUSTER. These beliefs are commonly held by folks with social phobia and shyness:

*I must be comfortable before I speak.
*I need to appear articulate and well-prepared or I'll appear like a dope.
*What I say should be perfect.
*I don't know how to start a conversation.
*Should I or shouldn't I begin a conversation?
*I need to make a fantastic first impression.
*I'm shy and the other person will see it and think badly of me.
*They could reject me and I can't stand rejection.
*I get tongue tied and can't think straight. They'll think I'm an idiot.
*It would be awful if I lost control or looked stupid before others.
*The spotlight's on me and I should perform perfectly.
*I KNOW what others are thinking.
*I'm being judged.
*Speaking with others makes me act like someone I'm not. I feel out of control.
*I must impress to be liked or accepted.
*I never have anything interesting to say.
*People notice how anxious I am and judge me badly.
*I must be polished and perfect.
*If I make a fool of myself, I will be rejected and ridiculed.
*People will make fun of me.
*There's nothing I can do about my shyness--it's genetic.
*I always feel distress in front of others.
*I hate getting cotten mouth, shakes, and not being able to think.
*I focus on myself when I'm with others.
*I must feel in control and when I don't--it's horrible.
*If I speak up I could appear stupid, silly, or wierd.
*Getting rejected is awful.
*I know I'm not as good as others.
*Others are so much better than I.
*I sound stupid when I open my mouth.
*If my mouth goes dry or I shake I would look like an idiot.
*I can never think straight when I talk to important others.
*My heartbeat, sweaty palms, cotten mouth, and racing thoughts distract me.
*I sweat and shake when I need to talk.
*Appearing stupid is worse than death.
*I should be perfect and never make errors when I speak. Anything less than perfect is humiliating.
*I am vulnerable and weak and they are strong and powerful.
*If make an error I would be inadequate, a failure, or dumb.
*It's overwhelming when I go to talk to others. I can't take it.
*Authority figures will judge me harshly.
*The people I really want in my life will reject me.
*I could be humiliated.
*I can't express myself.
*I can't assert myself or I will be rejected.
*It would be horrible if someone noticed me blushing, trembling, or sweating.

Take care, Steve