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Passive Aggressive
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY CLUSTER
Passive-aggression is a learned behavior often developed in response to overcontroling parents during childhood. Later this "overcontrol" might be projected onto authority figures like bosses, teachers, and spouses. Sometimes this unassertive behavior may be modeled within families. Because it's a learned behavior, passive-aggression can be replaced by developing an awareness of this behavior and the anger behind it as well as learning and applying assertive behaviors.
Passive-aggression is currently unlisted as a personality disorder in the DSM-IV although it might make a comeback after further research.
What are the signatures of passive aggressive behavior and the folks who've learned to operate in this indirectly aggressive way? Persons who act in passive aggressive ways do some of the following:
*Have difficulty saying no to persons viewed as authorities. In seeming to outwardly comply with requests, the passive aggressive person will procrastinate, leave work undone, obstruct, do an insular job, do what was not requested, misplace, or "forget" to perform the requested tasks. When asked about their problem with delivering, the person with passive aggression is likely to make excuses, blame, or become sullen while claiming only good intentions.
*Often feels put upon, controlled, pressured, and victimized.
*Frequently is involved in fibbing, omitting information, or lying to avoid direct confrontation.
*Prone to "cheating" and being found out in long-term relationships and marriages.
*Often has challenges paying bills in a timely manner and may have a poor credit history.
*Likely has a history of poor interpersonal relationships where friends and partners are frustrated by indirectness and passive aggressive behaviors.
*Will make dates and stand people up.
*May be in denial about passive aggressive behaviors, claiming only good intentions.
*Are frequently in trouble in work situations for excessive tardiness and incomplete tasks.
*Have high rates of somatic complaints and headaches.
*May abuse alcohol and substances.
*Have a higher incidence of depression.
*In relationships may complain about partners to third parties instead of discussing issues directly with their partners.
*Chronically "forgets" to do important tasks whether for self or others.
*Claim to "do too much" for others.
*Giving a yes when actually meaning no.
*Submissive on the surface.
*Attempts to block or frustrate others (With underlying anger).
*Seeding conflict between others and gossiping.
*Giving mixed signals: unclear yes and no's.
*Criticalness, subtle denigration, leaking hurtful information, sarcasm.
*Complaining about bosses, authorities, teachers, spouses behind their backs.
*Denial of emotions.
*Holding back on important information.
*Hunting for negative traits to avoid intimacy.
*Lack of commitment.
*Arguments and temper tantrums coming out of nowhere.
*Withholds important information.
*Wavering on courses of action.
*Angry about being powerless, yet not able to assert this.
*Sensitive about having requests made to them.
*Often lagging in education and careers.
*Fearful of being disliked.
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY CLUSTER
*People take advantage of my giving nature.
*I do "too much" for others.
*People are angry with me for no good reason.
*Some people want to use me and care nothing about me.
*I forget sometimes, doesn't everyone?
*I must do it my way or I lose all respect.
*I hate being told what to do or being pressured.
*I'll lose respect if I give in.
*I'll do this in my own time. I'm in no hurry--screw them.
*I hate deadlines. They can wait.
*Being angry isn't me--I won't give in.
*I'm not a conformist--I refuse to be another brick in the wall.
*I know I promised, but things came up.
*People try real hard to control and dominate me. Not.
*I'm nothing if I let others take advantage of me.
*It's easier to fib than to get in a possible argument. They always win anyway.
*Others put too many demands on me.
*No one dominates me.
*They have no right to be upset with me--I really tried.
*Do not lecture me.
*Authorities demand too much and interfere too much.
*I must be approved and accepted, but not controlled or dominated.
*Bosses, lovers, teachers are always trying to get over, get the most out of me. They can wait.
Approaches to handling passive aggressive behavior:
*It's very important to become aware of thoughts, feelings (Especially anger), and behaviors leading up to passive aggression. Denial plays a part in passive aggression. It's important to take full responsibility for this behavior and not blame it on others. "I wouldn't procrastinate if others didn't pressure me."
*Learning direct and assertive behavior is very important here. Practicing direct and assertive behavior until it becomes a habit.
*Belief processing the Passive Aggressive Personality Cluster. Also uncovering and integrating passive aggressive beliefs is quite helpful.
*Using the Pattern Tree directly on passive aggressive behavioral patterns is valuable.
Take care, Steve