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Emotionally/Conflict Avoidant
EMOTIONALLY/CONFLICT AVOIDANT PERSONALITY CLUSTER: This cluster is based on avoiding emotions and conflicts. This cluster comes from leftover beliefs formed when growing up in emotionally repressive households where conflict avoidance was modeled. Persons, emotionally and conflict avoidant, have difficulty forming and sustaining close relationships. Often critical of both themselves and others, they distrust emotions and appear rigid and thin-skinned. More prone to anxiety, shyness, approval seeking, unassertiveness, mistrust, and compulsive behavior, they may undergo periods of depression due their limited emotional connection with others and challenges expressing themselves directly. They prefer to keep others at a "safe" distance and may prove elusive and frustrating to persons desiring closer emotional contact. Because of being frequently out of touch with their emotions, they often misread people and situations. They are very security conscious. Typical thoughts of the Emotionally/Conflict Avoidance Personality Cluster are:
*Conflicts are scarey and uncomfortable.
*Anger is frightening and sometimes feels overwhelming.
*I can't take feeling out of control.
*Strong emotions feel overwhelming.
*I hide my feelings to avoid hurting others and being hurt.
*I have a secret emotional side that I seldom show others.
*I'm hyper-alert for being criticized and often think people are putting me down.
*I prefer comfort and solitude away from others.
*There's no need to analyze our feelings and motivations when we disagree.
*Conflicts disappear in time, so why bother?
*I'm often uninterested in getting involved with others. It's too much bother.
*People want more from me than I have to give.
*Why talk about issues when they might lead to fights.
*Conflicts and fights scare me. I avoid them.
*Some areas of my life are best kept secret from my partner.
*When I become angry or anxious, I prefer to be left alone and think about other things.
*Analyzing a situation psychologically is too much trouble.
*Why do people want to know so much about me? They must think I'm abnormal.
*Being in a commited relationship makes me feel anxious.
*I hate it when people ask me about how I feel--why are they prying?
*I feel trapped and hemmed in by others sometimes.
*Why do loved ones act so needy?
*When I get close to others I feel on edge.
*I need space.
*Most areas in my relationship won't change.
*Talking about our conflicts just makes everything worse--why go there?
*It's inappropriate to show strong feelings of anger.
*Talking about conflicts feels scarey.
*Emotional and conflictual discussions should go quickly. I don't have all day to go over conflicts or to beat dead horses.
Let's get this over.
*No one needs to change. I certainly don't want to.
*No need to disagree--I'm not the disagreeable sort.
*Talking about my sadness, anger, or fear makes me look immature and self-absorbed. Let's talk about something else.
*If I begin to get strong negative feelings I ignore them and get active. I don't notice my feelings then.
*I have no need to persuade my partner to my way of thinking. I don't want to be persuaded either.
*Thinking positive is my motto.
*If I have negative feelings I keep them to myself. They'll go away if I ignore them.
*Anger solves nothing.
*I never disagree with my partner. Most times we don't talk about what bothers us. No need to.
*I feel weird expressing emotions.
*Expressing negative feelings is self-centered. I don't want to disturb my partner.
*Talking about emotions is BORING!
*Life should be comfortable and pleasant. Why rock the boat?
Take care, Steve